i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
