your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
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