now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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