I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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