She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
