i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
