Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
