I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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