he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
