he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
