i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
