So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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