Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I need water and some morals
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
