Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
