Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
