I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
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I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
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Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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