Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
