I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
