Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
