you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
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