im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
