There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
