roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
