Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
What a dumb baby whore.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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