what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
How does one acquire holy water?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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