You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
