you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
