Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
