I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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