this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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