Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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