I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
