I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
