How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
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I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
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i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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