the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
