we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We left an ass print on the piano.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
