then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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