He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
