I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
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Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
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barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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