I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
