Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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