Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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