I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
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You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
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