is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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