Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
