when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
