I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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