They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
