You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
