just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
