There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
worst night to have a conscience
No subtext here. People are naked.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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