I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
