I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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