my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
