I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
