you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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